BREASTFEEDING, MY THOUGHTS.

Ok, before I start. I haven’t checked spelling or grammar and I just know that there are about 10 sentences that are way too long. Apologies, my brain is currently out of service.

It’s a funny thing isn’t it? Writing a blog post about how you feed your child. I don’t really understand the fascination with it and will never understand the cruelty from other women directed at new mothers regarding how they feed their own child.

I never really thought about it when I was pregnant on Tom. To be honest I didn’t really care who did what, I just didn’t think about it. I tried breastfeeding in hospital and as bad as it sounds I just didn’t like it, so I bottle fed. I didn’t feel devastated or guilty at all. I had a tough pregnancy, I was very sick most of the way through. I was induced when I was 14 days over and after 24 hours I gave birth to Tom. I was SO exhausted and relieved that it was all over, I just wanted to get back to normal, just be me again. The prospect of having to remember which side I fed last and the guessing of how much milk the baby got seemed like too daunting a task to undertake.

There was only one time I felt a bit crappy about the decision, we were in Dundrum Town Centre one day. I went up to the foodcourt to feed him and as I sat there heating his bottle I looked around and noticed that I was surrounded by breastfeeding mothers, glamorous breastfeeding mothers at that. I felt a bit embarrassed and I just wanted to get out of there. At the time I felt like they were all watching me, judging me (I’m sure they had more important things to do than mind me) but that was honestly the only time I felt bad about myself. It was short lived though, I have a very grounded, practical family and group of friends all of whom follow the mantra of “Fed is best”. Who cares how you feed them once they are fed.

Bottom line, he was bottle fed, he was happy, I was happy. We bonded. I certainly don’t love him any less because he wasn’t breastfed. For me, for us, I truly believe it was the right thing to do at the time. Nothing will change my mind about that.

When I had Bobby, I decided that I’d give breastfeeding another bash (if only to lose the bit of weight). Lol, true story. I secretly told myself that I would probably bottle feed - BUT something magical happened - he latched immediately and what’s more, I didn’t mind it. The nurses all commented that he was a fantastic little sucker (insert gross face). I took it one day at a time, in fact, if I’m being honest, I took it one feed at a time. Convincing myself “ah it won’t work again”, “I’ll get a bottle if I feel it’s not working” and so on.

I believe having that mentality just kept me chilled out. I just didn’t stress about it. If it didn’t work, it didn’t work. So what? I knew from past experience that we’d all do just fine if the baby had to get a bottle. What surprised me though, is that after a few days I really started to enjoy it. My confidence grew and I looked forward to every feed. It was such a luxury to have Shane at home for a couple weeks and every feed I’d go somewhere quiet with Bobby in tow and just enjoy the alone time with him. Just the two of us.

Maybe because you are more sure of yourself on your second it’s a more chilled out affair but I can say hand on my heart, I never wanted the newborn phase to end on Bobby. It was honestly bliss. The toddler phase? I could take or leave it. He’s wiiilllld. I’m under no illusion though that I was blessed with an easy feeder and a great sleeper. Those things helped me to sail through. I can probably say with confidence that if things hadn’t had happened so easily for me I may not have continued but because I did and because I throughly enjoyed it, I will probably do all I can to make sure I can breastfeed this one.

The thoughts of sterilising and making bottles and remembering to bring one with me when I have to go anywhere is enough to make me try again this time around anyway. Plus, the ease of night feeds was the thing I couldn’t get over. I don’t think I even woke fully during it. With Tom, you’d have to get up, heat a bottle, feed him, wind him and by the time you’d get back to bed sure you’d be wide awake.

My friend Evelyn (who is a midwife) used to say “ah give it a go Joanne, for handiness alone. All you have to do is throw a nappy in your arse pocket and off ya go”. Ev, forever the practical, no nonsense friend.

Anyway, I ended up feeding him for 6 months without a single bottle of formula and then one night he slept through and and my milk disappeared very quickly even though I tried expressing late at night and early morning. So after a month or so of just a morning feed I called it a day. It was the perfect ending, it happened organically and he loved the bottle. Cue jealous feelings from me. Lol, not, I was too busy hopping off Rosè to mind!

Moral of the story, we all know that breastmilk is amazing and that formula is second to it but we also know ourselves and our babies and what works for our families. If breastfeeding or the thoughts of breastfeeding is driving you crazy and causing anxiety or worry then just chill out and grab a bottle. We’re all 80’s babies, we were reared on bottles, we’re GRAND.

BTW, I did lose a sight of weight during the 6 months. I thought I was fabliss - but the minute I stopped feeding, I piled every pound back on. C’est la vie.

So that’s that, I haven’t really got anything else to say or much advice to offer, just do what works for you.

J x